In the blink of an eye, 2021 is about to pass. I vaguely remember that this time last year, I said I would write an annual summary and design my blog properly. However, I procrastinated for a whole year and made no progress at all. So, I decided to make an effort in the last days of 2021 to fulfill the year-long goal and turn last year's annual summary into a new one for 2021.
Struggle & Sadness#
If 2020 was a period of transitioning between being a student and a working individual, then 2021 has been completely devoted to the life of a working person. When I first started working last year, I was always worried about whether I could pass the probation period. But this year, I have been overwhelmed by the pressure of work. The pressure is not only physical but also mental. Countless demands and a highly pushy atmosphere often make me feel low and deeply uncomfortable. At this moment, I remember the joy I felt when I received the job offer from ByteDance before graduation. I thought about the future where I could do what I love and have a good life. I always believed that a beautiful life was right in front of me. However, a few months into the job, that joy turned into disillusionment. Whether it was the deviation of the actual work from my ideal job or the fact that most of my time was occupied by work, I felt so sad that I couldn't even cry. At one point, my condition became so severe that I had to go to the hospital for treatment. With the help of medication, my mood gradually improved.
Happiness & Taking It Easy#
If we only look at the first half of the year, this chapter would not appear in this article. During that time, I had to go to the hospital every weekend, take medication on time, and relieve the pressure on my emotions. However, my life changed in the second half of the year. At some point, my mindset suddenly started to change. I began to pay attention to my own feelings and emotions, and I wasn't easily affected by external factors as before. I visited many shops, enjoyed delicious food, and fully embraced the beauty of life. Then, on workdays, I returned to the monotonous and boring routine, continuing to experience pressure and discomfort. To some extent, it's a very peculiar combination. It really makes me feel that life is full of ups and downs, and as long as I fully experience it and record the scenery along this journey, it's enough.
After the change in mindset, I was able to truly savor the beautiful moments in life. Even when I was overwhelmed by difficulties, I would lie down and patiently wait to be buried by more pressure. Whenever I felt sad or uncomfortable, I would find something enjoyable to divert my attention and then continue this cycle of life.
We don't necessarily have to be our own heroes; taking it easy is also a form of justice.
Progress This Year#
- Soft skills at work (including but not limited to communication, collaboration, blame-shifting, and project ownership)
- Debugging skills (solved countless bugs)
- Better mindset when facing various pressures (able to quickly calm down even in high-pressure environments)
Small Regrets This Year#
- Didn't learn Rust and Haskell (I remember someone saying they would learn them since last year)
- Still lacking in execution ability
Expectations for 2021#
- Hope that family and friends around me can live a happy life
- Hope to follow my heart and live the life I want
- Eat more delicious food
- Improve execution ability, fully invest myself in everything I do, work hard, play hard, and slack off hard
- Focus on personal growth and not be influenced by external circumstances
Conclusion#
After experiencing a year filled with pain and joy, my mindset has gradually become more Zen. I have come to realize that my focus should not be on the pressure and judgments from the outside world, but on my own inner self, experiencing personal growth, doing what I want to do, and coexisting with painful emotions while trying to enjoy the beauty of life. With this attitude towards life, I suddenly feel much lighter. Perhaps, a few years from now, when I look back at this article from a god's-eye view, I will probably think, "Ah, so that was a period of time, how interesting," and then reminisce and savor the emotions of that time, like the aroma of fine wine. For me, this is probably the greatest significance of writing an annual summary.
Finally, I would like to thank my parents and friends for accompanying me through the most difficult days of my life.